


Not In Kansas Anymore

by Megalon (smersh)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Aliens, Angst, Being Lost, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Panties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smersh/pseuds/Megalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bruce found himself in an unknown planet, far away from his friends, and Tony Stark, he didn't expect to be required to wear thongs. Unfortunately that's what happened to our hero. And he just might be forced to fight in them. Hulk won't approve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

It just so happened that after a week of Hulk flying a jet that was by no means actually constructed for space travel - thankfully Tony Stark was a genius and made contingencies for all sorts of unexpected situations (which perhaps had something to do with almost getting lost in an unknown part of space that one time, but who even remembered that feat of Tony's these days, the man had built Ultron and so ceased to be worthy of any consideration bar "Rotten tomatoes or cream pie, which of those would be better to throw at him?"), it just so happened that the moment his green monster relinquished control over his body was also the moment a tall, thin alien with both antlers and tentacles on what Bruce assumed was their head, proffered a rack containing something that looked like an assortment of g-strings in all sizes and colors, and damn, upon a second look, Bruce decided that yep, those _were_ G-strings, and some of them had something suspiciously resembling sequins all over them. 

"Click click clack," said the alien, holding out an especially cheeky number in hot pink with a purple bowtie-looking ornament in the front.

"Does anyone around here speak En-gli-sh?" Bruce asked. The alien looked at him, possibly inquisitively, possibly preparing to eat him. It once again offered the panties. Bruce took them, checking for stretchiness of the material. There was some, but not nearly enough. 

"They're nice, but they won't do," he said, shaking his head. He returned them to the rack. 

Bruce now knew he wouldn't get a chance to figure out what sort of a predicament he had found himself in unless he put on a pair of thongs. So he rifled through the selection, under the alien's keen antlers and tentacles, trying to find something complementary to both his and Hulk's complexions, and of course, stretchy. 

He only hoped this wasn't a stripper gig.


	2. Arena

As it turned out, the predicament Bruce found himself in was not a stripper gig. But as soon as the beantlered and betentacled alien successfully communicated to him that he was to going be a gladiator on this planet, Bruce wished he was required only to shake his things.

He had, by then, chosen the g-string he was going to put on. It was a black thong, stretchy enough, and it only had a small red glittery heart for an ornament. He was satisfied, as much as a man in his position could've been satisfied.

Currently, he was sitting on some simple bench, waiting for the gates to open so he could enter the arena. The alien had shown him what kind of a space it was by touching one of its tentacles to Bruce's head. In a flash vivid pictures surged through his mind: a large open space, then a large closed space, then a large space full of contraptions and traps, then something that looked like a concert or an opera with a couple of antler and tentacle-having aliens in the main roles, then a large open space again, but this time with maybe-limbs lying about and something looking suspiciously like blood spattered everywhere. It was bright orange in some places and dark purple in others. Then the alien transmitted Bruce's own likeness in a thong, fighting... something. A heap of intertwined tree-roots? But it moved, scuttled around Bruce. This was not good...

The gates opened with a loud, creaking sound, Bruce got up, the thong nestling uncomfortably between his buttocks. _Don't get mad just yet_  he said to himself. There was no way around it, he was going to have to fight some aliens today.

The arena was large. Superlarge. But not much different from the ones on Earth. The turf was some kind of a reddish sand, but it made no sand-like noises as Bruce walked on it. In the stands there were all kinds of creatures, some disgusting to look at, some worse. But Bruce was a biologist, and that meant he couldn't throw up by looking at such a display of alien biodiversity. A weaker man, however, Bruce thought to himself, would've thrown up and probably never stopped throwing up. That thought cheered him up some, strengthened his will to persevere. He straightened his posture and walked to the middle of the turf. There he would meet his alien opponent. There, as things stood at that moment, he would once again Hulk-out.

**Author's Note:**

> TBC


End file.
